Marriage Pre-Fellowship

 Serving the Lord as a slave with all humility. Acts 20:19a

In the matter of shepherding I have been reminded again and again by the Lord that I am a "slave". As such, I have no choice but to follow the Shepherd wherever He leads me. This sounds like I have no freedom to choose nor decide for myself.  But actually, I am freed from making my own natural decision and expressing my opinion. It was true freedom indeed from the self. I need not try to exercise my soul-life, but simply, in obedience, follow the Lord's sovereign arrangement.

As the church is growing in life and in numbers, more and more saints need shepherding. A family with two brothers and a sister who are all young adult, educated and settled in their career, and yet not yet married, came into the church life. As they are enjoying the church life and are growing in the Lord, we also care for their marriage. In fact, the eldest brother among them approached me last year concerning his marriage. Since then I have been considering,  and in fellowship, with my brother in the church, we have been praying for him and his siblings for their marriage.

For the past few months, we have been considering for him a sister. Since his parents are not in the church life, we are careful to make sure that all that we do is of the Lord. Therefore, we prayed and waited for the right time to meet the parents first before we go ahead. The sister we considered has fully given herself to the Lord and to the brothers' fellowship. As we are responsible for any proposal we make, we wanted to make sure that we have done the right thing at the right time. Therefore, we met the family of this brother.

Since the siblings have come into the church life leaving their parent's faith which is not orthodox according to the Bible, the father definitely had a say when we visited them. He treated us so badly by trying to argue with us on the topic of the church or Christianity veering away from the main top of the discussion, their son's marriage proposal. It was a unique experience for us too when we were verbally abused and scolded yet we did not open our mouth to counter or defend ourselves. Our burden was not to debate on which Christian group is right or wrong. Our burden was to talk to the parent concerning their children's marriage, and also to get to know the family better so that we can help them in the most appropriate way. Our meeting opened our eyes and we ourselves are the witnesses to the true condition of the family especially the father. In fact, that was exactly why we wanted to meet the father of the brother for whom we are proposing a sister.

I personally took that as a lesson of shepherding as well. Frankly peaking I was not hurt by all that he said, as I knew he has been going through a lot in his life after he broke up with a Christian group and now has been captured by a cultic group. When a brother and I went to fellowship, our burden was not merely for the marriage of his children, but much for the restoration of the family and shepherd them into the church life. For this, we would pay any price as a shepherd who pays the price to search for one lost sheep leaving behind the ninety-nine. The loving heart of the Father has indeed been gradually developed into our hearts. Therefore, our heart was to shepherd the entire family, spiritually in truth and life, and physically, to help all the siblings get married in the church life.

After we met them and were about to leave, the father who abused me, apologized for his behavior and begged for our forgiveness. He even shook my hand before I left the house. As we drove back, we simply prayed for the family that the Lord would come in and recover the father first of all. Later, both their son and daughter sent me a message of apology for their father's behavior with us. I replied both of them back as follows:

Dear Br. D______ and Sis. S______,

Praise the Lord! Thank you for welcoming us to your home.

We appreciate your father as he was genuinely expressing his feeling. We understand the pain he has been going through. We are not hurt by anything he said. In fact, we prayed and prayed before we came and after we left from your home. We are glad that we could talk face to face. We sincerely sympathize with him and pray for your family. 

Please convey my love and thanks to your mom and dad. I personally consider them as my parent too, as your brother in the Lord.

We feel that the Lord is gracing your family for His divine purpose. It would be healthy and proper for you all to have more family fellowship with your father and mother. No argument, yet not compromising on the truths of the Bible, but as children comforting your parent.

In this way, with much prayer, the Lord will heal all the wounds within and fully recovery your family. And the Lord will arrange marriages for the three of you. 

Much grace, brother and sister.

Romans 14:17-19

17. For the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 

18. For he who serves Christ in this is well pleasing to God and approved by men. 

19. So then let us pursue the things of peace and the things for building up one another.

Now, the matter is in the Lord's hand. I felt I have done my best. And now the sister we considered has to take the final call if she is willing to continue with the brother whose family we have met. If this is truly of the Lord, the Lord will work it out. Otherwise, the Lord's will be done. Meanwhile, I have experienced a lot. That itself is already worth it. Praise the Lord for the lesson of shepherding!