Lord, Help My Unbelief!

“And when they heard that He was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. And after these things, He appeared in a different form to two of them as they were walking on their way into the countryside. And they went away and reported to the rest, but they did not believe them either. And afterward He appeared to the eleven as they were reclining at table, and He reproached their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen.” (Mark 16:11-14, RecVer)

The disciples of the Lord Jesus did not believe in what He prophesied concerning His death and resurrection. In a good number of instances, the Lord’s own disciples did not believe in what actually transpired of which He already foretold. While reading this incidents of unbelief in my Bible reading time, I thought to myself, "Why they did not believe having had walked with the Lord physically for years?"

On a second thought and reconsideration, I was enlightened to see myself that even if I were to be one among the disciples hearing all His prophecies yet when they were fulfilled I possible might still not believe. The Lord showed me that how I did not believe in His words when I actually thought I truly believe.

The Lord has given me promises and spoke to me concerning certain matters and things. And He confirmed with His written words and also through the experiences of some saints and through the speaking of others. But deep within I doubted until I could practically see the fulfilment of them all. Though I was confirmed time and again, I still doubted the Lord’s words and wanted a proof of its fulfilment. O what a poor me!

Today, I had a very uneasy feeling concerning a sister whom I have been caring for, like my own daughter. When I sensed certain things concerning her living I wanted to "fellowship" with her. But the Lord inwardly calmed me down not to. When I was tempted to make a call to her or considered to speak to her on the matter I was suspicious of, the Lord reminded me to simply believe in His words. He has spoken and He will take care of the matter in His own way and in His own time. Therefore, I gave up the idea of "fellowship" and left her to the Lord’s hand and prayed for her instead. And as I prayed, the Lord reminded me again to simply believe in His words.

I was exposed to see myself that even in such a small matter I was anxious and suspicious instead of trusting in the Lord. I myself am filled with unbelief despite my tall claim of believing in the Lord’s word. Now, I no longer wonder nor condemn the disciples of the Lord for their unbelief. During their time, they had not yet received the Lord’s Spirit into their spirits. No wonder they did not believe. Now, I have already received the Holy Spirit and still then instead of living by the Spirit I live by my mind and invited trouble for myself by my unbelief. Now, I totally lost confidence in myself and my belief system. Only the Lord’s life of faith can make me believe in what He said or did.

Now I would gladly identify myself with the disciple who proclaimed to the Lord Jesus concerning his belief.

“Immediately, crying out, the father of the child said, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24, RecVer)

Devoted to Destruction

“And the city shall be devoted to Jehovah for destruction, it and all that is in it. Only Rahab the harlot shall live, she and all who are with her in her house, because she hid the messengers we sent. But as for you, keep yourselves from what has been devoted to destruction, lest you devote yourselves to destruction by taking of what has been devoted and you make the camp of Israel something devoted to destruction and bring trouble to it.” (Joshua 6:17-18, RecVer)

“But the children of Israel acted unfaithfully in that which was devoted to destruction, for Achan the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took of that which was devoted to destruction; and the anger of Jehovah was kindled against the children of Israel.” (Joshua 7:1, RecVer)

“Israel has sinned. Indeed they have trespassed My covenant, which I commanded them; indeed they have taken of that which was devoted to destruction; indeed they have stolen; indeed they have been deceptive; indeed they have put it among their goods. Thus the children of Israel are not able to stand before their enemies; they turn their backs before their enemies, for they have become something devoted to destruction. I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy that which was devoted to destruction from among you. Rise up, sanctify the people, and say, Sanctify yourselves for tomorrow; for thus says Jehovah the God of Israel, There is something devoted to destruction among you, O Israel; you will not be able to stand before your enemies until you remove that which was devoted to destruction from among you.” (Joshua 7:11-13, RecVer)

“And he who is taken with that which was devoted to destruction shall be burned with fire, he and all that belongs to him, because he has trespassed the covenant of Jehovah and because he has committed folly in Israel.” (Joshua 7:15, RecVer)

The Lord enlightened me afresh this morning during my Bible reading time concerning the seriousness of involving in something that Jehovah God has destined for destruction. The children of God should have nothing to do with what God hates. Any compromise, any mixture with the world will face a stern punishment from the Lord. The story of the Israelites serves a good testimony to paying heed to what God had commanded. Disobedience to God’s word was meted out with dire consequences. O what a warning!

In the New Testament too, the principle is still the same. But we have the divine life of God, our Father, that can enable us to obey what He has commanded. It is by living by the Father's divine life that true obedience is practical. On the one hand, there is the warning and on the other hand there is the divine life supply that enables us, the children of God, to heed to the warnings. What a blessing!

There is the divine part which God has gracefully bestowed, His divine life and nature. And there is the human part which the children of God have to actively exercise their free will to obey God’s word. The coordination between the divine and human will enable one to be truly obedient to keep oneself from the things devoted to destruction. 

This is the Lord’s Holy warning!

Lord, I need Your grace day by day to actively exercise my free will to choose You and cooperate with You to keep myself away from the things devoted to destruction. May I be preserved from anything devoted to destruction. Lord, save me!

A Visit to a Hospital

A cousin brother of mine who has been living with me for many years recently had a complaint about his health. He suspected it to be TB as he was once treated with TB which was already cured. But this time, he suspected based on the symptoms manifested in his body. Therefore, I took this opportunity to shepherd him in a way of taking him to the proper hospital for proper and timely medication.

The only TB center I found was in Sector 10, Civil Hospital in Gurugram. This disease has been claimed by the Government of India as being eradicated. So there is a diagnostic center for treatment. It was a wonderful time driving him to and fro to the hospital for treatment. We altogether had three trips. Firstly for a medical check-up, secondly for lab testing, and thirdly for confirmation with the TB doctor. After all these processes it was confirmed by the doctor that there was no TB in him, but then he should be on medication for five days. The matter was solved! The Lord allowed such a thing so that I could practically show him that his life matters to me and to the Lord. That he is being loved and cared for.  From my side, I got the opportunity to take care of the needy saints, starting with my family members, and then shepherd others in a very practical way.

I hardly visit a hospital as the Lord has been keeping in good health. Though I used to have a cold and slight fever now and then, I took the natural way of increasing my immune system through a healthy diet and rest and dealing with bodily weakness along with trusting in the Lord for His healing. When my children fell ill, my wife will take them to the nearby clinic. In that way, the Lord has provided all the necessary needs for my family. Therefore, we hardly need to visit any hospital. If need be, we will visit too.

The Lord used even visiting a hospital to take care of one another. I felt it was a good time arranged by the Lord that visiting a hospital is visiting one another for shepherding. There was physical healing and there was spiritual healing too. The Lord is sovereign in all things related to His children. Praise the Lord!

A Visit to a Cousin

The Lord's promises are true and I always claim them until they are fulfilled in my life. One such promise is the promise of household salvation.

And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus, and you shall be saved, you and your household. Ac 16:31

Now, all my immediate family members are saved. My prayer is for the next level, for the salvation of my uncles and aunts, and cousins. One such is my cousin who got married last year and is now settled in New Delhi. Two weeks ago I received information that his wife had delivered a baby boy. Last Lord's day night we went to visit them at their residence in Ashram, New Delhi, and gifted him some gifts. The material gifts include Baby Care products, New Born Baby Diapers, and a set of Messages for Building Up New Believers and Shepherding Materials.

Since my prayer burden for them is that the whole family would be saved, I took this visit as an opportunity to preach the gospel and led them to salvation. His wife is a Catholic and he himself is not very clear about what he believes into. There were two other cousins of my cousin's wife. Therefore, I preached the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ starting from God the Creator and His creation, the fall of man, the redemption accomplished through the God-man Jesus Christ, and how to believe into Him and receive Him. Then, I led them all to receive the Lord in a fresh way by helping them to pray with me the sinner's prayer for salvation which they all prayed willingly. I did this just to make sure that they truly believe into the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved.

To me, every family member, every friend, and everyone I meet, if they are not yet saved, the best thing to speak to them is about the true and living God, the Lord Jesus Christ. This is the best gift and the best words I can minister to them. In addition, I did have fellowship with them about family matters and their future plan. 

The Lord was with us and I truly enjoyed the Lord's presence in all the speaking and preaching. Thank the Lord for such a wonderful opportunity! When the time is ripe, they will also be introduced to the saints in the church in New Delhi.

May the Lord continue to speak to them through the word of God spoken to them, and may they grow in life.

Be Honest

 Honesty is a virtue that is much appreciated by all. But human nature is too fallen that it is rather hard to find one who is genuinely honest in all things. I am no exception. this is one thing I find very much lacking. I am by nature, not honest especially when it comes to expressing my inward desire. I always conceal my own self until I am forced to let it go. I do admire people who are honest, and I am learning to be honest too trusting in the Lord's work in my character. 

I can be honest to tell others I positively feel good about them. I can praise and speak well of others openly to their faces and to others. But can I speak about their negative points and failures too? My "good nature" always tries to conceal telling the truth if the truth is negative. Well, it may be good to cover others' weaknesses. But at times I must be honest enough to speak my heart out, call black as black and white as white. Otherwise, my diplomacy will only lead to hypocrisy.

Over the past few weeks, I had the opportunity to learn to be honest and expressed genuinely my inward feeling about things and people. One brother, who is not mentally sound turned up to the office uninformed. Due to his history, I was very careful not to welcome him as I knew it was not easy to handle him since he is also mentally out of control. I simply did not have the confidence to take care of him. Therefore, I intentionally avoided his calls and text messages as I knew his intention to try to take advantage of me being a brother in the Lord. But I seriously did not want him to play with brotherhood according to his whims and fancies. I wanted him to learn his lesson and let him know that he is not welcome at the moment with his mental state. Therefore,  I got the opportunity to express my inward feelings and I did so with honesty.

As he turned up uninformed, he had become an unwelcome guest. How would I handle such a one? I was not happy at all but was not able to express my feeling immediately. But when I got time to speak to him, I did tell him my inward feeling that he was not welcome and that he should leave. But he was smart enough to pay with words and somehow convinced me and my brother to allow him to stay for two days. After two days, though I informed him to leave as we were also leaving for about ten days, he tried to trick me with his multi-personality disorder, changing faces and characters, each one with an intent to convince me somehow that he could stay,. But I knew that this trick would not be played on me anymore and I mustered up my courage to tell him what I actually felt about him and told him that he should leave, which he finally agreed on and left. 

But he returned back uninformed and unwelcomed after ten days. This time I was determined to be honest and told him to his face, my displeasure with his behavior. Therefore I even told him to leave immediately. Of course, I did have a fellowship with my other brother concerning how to deal with a  case like that. I expressed my deep concern that I should be honest and tell him what I felt deep inside, that he was not welcomed this time with his mental state. I also knew that he was trying to somehow convince us to let him stay as he knew that we are soft brothers and that somehow in the past he would eventually convince us. But this time, I was determined not to be tricked and determined to be honest and to tell him what I felt. So I told him that he was not welcome and that he should leave. Thereafter, after much talk and discussion, he agreed to leave.

Deep within I pray for his full recovery, mentally and spiritually. But I cannot fulfill this duty either.  Therefore, I exercised myself to be honest and told him my inward feeling. I still pray for him and hope that he be recovered very soon.

I am learning to be honest and to express my inward feeling without any diplomacy. What a lesson!

This New Year

This new year's day, I was on a train with all my family members returning from our South India blending trip. Generally, on this day, I would be in a new year meeting but this time I was fully confined within the berth of my sleeper class train and spent my day in prayer and the word of God. I was glad that I had sufficient time to read the Bible and sufficient time to pray. In fact, I had the entire day to myself and the Lord alone on a train. This new year was unique.

I made no resolution for I don't believe in them anymore. But I did have a review of the past year and reconsecrated my life to the Lord afresh. I never made up my mind for anything just because it's a new year. I simply open myself to the Lord as I would on any other day, to receive the divine dispensing of the divine Trinity into my tripartite being. This is the best way to spend the new year.

One thing I notice this new year 2023 is, that I began the year with prayer and the word along with something challenging. As the church, I was fully disappointed that we did not gain an increase as we ought to, I mean in terms of the number of saints meeting regularly.  Though we prayed and labored much, the increase did not happen. Perhaps, the Lord had to deal with me and many of us to break the hindrances within our being. This I feel is the biggest discouragement and also the biggest challenge for this new year. 

Personally too, I felt I began the year with a minus point and looking forward to seeing it become plus and keep improving.  For this, I can only pray and hope for the best. May the Lord have mercy on me and grant me a new beginning this new year.

So then if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away; behold, they have become new. 2 Co 5:17

In my official service, I selected this Bible verse to pray-read with my brothers who serve with me in sweet coordination. Though we could not really achieve what we intended to achieve last year in terms of our distribution service, we encouraged ourselves in prayer to have a new beginning, forgetting and leaving the old things behind and looking forward to new things in Christ. We all prayed and pray-read together and looked to the Lord for His new beginning in each one of our services.

Even concerning all the new ones that I had been shepherding last year, though they could not really enter into the church life last year itself, with much hope, I pray that the Lord would shepherd them all into the church this new year. This too, I do by faith in Him.

Lord, may You accomplish all that You wish to accomplish this new year in me and through me, in us and through us as the church! In Christ, a new creation, Lord this new year!

Twenty Years of God's Grace

Twenty years have elapsed since the Lord called me to serve Him full-time. It was December 31 night 2002 when in my Selaiyur Hostel I was burdened to pray just for one thing, "Lord, what is Your will for my life?" I had no appetite for food nor for anything else except prayer. At about 5 PM in the afternoon I left my hostel for the prayer hall at Tambaram East. There I attended the evening prayer meeting and after everyone left, I requested the caretaker of the premise to allow me to stay the whole night as I wanted to pray and pray. There, I was the only person in the meeting hall. The whole night I walked through the length and breadth of the campus over and over again, just praying for one thing, God’s will.

I was to graduate from my MCA degree in a few months' time. I need to make a decision for my life. I had three choices before me; job, PhD, or full-time service. As a student of MCA, campus recruitment started and in fact, I got a call letter for interview from two software companies even without my applying for it. But the Lord did not lead me at all for software engineering job. Neither did the Lord lead me for PhD studies though one of my teachers suggested and promised to help me out. Therefore, I was all the more troubled what I was supposed to do. This led me to pray and pray and pray. Thank God, I knew only one way, prayer. Perhaps, that's the best way!

After the whole night prayer on 31st December night 2002, on 1st Jan 2003 the Lord’s call came through my reading of the Bible after my prayer.

“And now, O Israel, what does Jehovah your God ask of you except that you fear Jehovah your God so that you would walk in all His ways and love Him and serve Jehovah your God with all your heart and with all your soul;” (Deuteronomy 10:12, RecVer)

As His call was, so His leading has always been the best. Till today, He has been faithfully leading me in His full-time service. What a blessing! What a privilege!

When He called me, I was just 24, stepping out of University with a Master's degree in Computer Science. Now, I am a married man with three blessed children. Still He has been gracing me and blessing me in His service. What else can I say but, "Thank You, Lord Jesus!"

Twenty years of service in His vineyard, twenty years of enjoying His blessing, twenty years of learning and perfecting. Twenty years of God’s grace. Thank You Lord Jesus for all these twenty Years of experiencing and enjoying You!