Lord, Help My Unbelief!

“And when they heard that He was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe. And after these things, He appeared in a different form to two of them as they were walking on their way into the countryside. And they went away and reported to the rest, but they did not believe them either. And afterward He appeared to the eleven as they were reclining at table, and He reproached their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen.” (Mark 16:11-14, RecVer)

The disciples of the Lord Jesus did not believe in what He prophesied concerning His death and resurrection. In a good number of instances, the Lord’s own disciples did not believe in what actually transpired of which He already foretold. While reading this incidents of unbelief in my Bible reading time, I thought to myself, "Why they did not believe having had walked with the Lord physically for years?"

On a second thought and reconsideration, I was enlightened to see myself that even if I were to be one among the disciples hearing all His prophecies yet when they were fulfilled I possible might still not believe. The Lord showed me that how I did not believe in His words when I actually thought I truly believe.

The Lord has given me promises and spoke to me concerning certain matters and things. And He confirmed with His written words and also through the experiences of some saints and through the speaking of others. But deep within I doubted until I could practically see the fulfilment of them all. Though I was confirmed time and again, I still doubted the Lord’s words and wanted a proof of its fulfilment. O what a poor me!

Today, I had a very uneasy feeling concerning a sister whom I have been caring for, like my own daughter. When I sensed certain things concerning her living I wanted to "fellowship" with her. But the Lord inwardly calmed me down not to. When I was tempted to make a call to her or considered to speak to her on the matter I was suspicious of, the Lord reminded me to simply believe in His words. He has spoken and He will take care of the matter in His own way and in His own time. Therefore, I gave up the idea of "fellowship" and left her to the Lord’s hand and prayed for her instead. And as I prayed, the Lord reminded me again to simply believe in His words.

I was exposed to see myself that even in such a small matter I was anxious and suspicious instead of trusting in the Lord. I myself am filled with unbelief despite my tall claim of believing in the Lord’s word. Now, I no longer wonder nor condemn the disciples of the Lord for their unbelief. During their time, they had not yet received the Lord’s Spirit into their spirits. No wonder they did not believe. Now, I have already received the Holy Spirit and still then instead of living by the Spirit I live by my mind and invited trouble for myself by my unbelief. Now, I totally lost confidence in myself and my belief system. Only the Lord’s life of faith can make me believe in what He said or did.

Now I would gladly identify myself with the disciple who proclaimed to the Lord Jesus concerning his belief.

“Immediately, crying out, the father of the child said, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24, RecVer)