Being Nothing

These days the dealing of the Lord is sour yet sweet. He has been stripping me off, bit by bit, of my natural disposition. All the things that I used to be confident in, and in fact, boast of, are all being torn away layer by layer. I used to be a "giant" in my own eyes on many aspects of life. In matter of discipline, character, spiritual activities, self-control etc. But all these were of me and not of the Lord. Perhaps, these are my good flesh in my good natural man. To the Lord these "goods" are as bad as the evil of the tree of good and evil. O what a mercy to be able to see myself in the light of the Lord! But for this, I would be a religious zealot. Thank God for His moulding Hands!

Even the saints who regularly came for fellowship also are going through the same experience of being stripped. At one point of time they were all "high" in their eyes, not caring for the things of God nor God Himself. But through the many experiences of stripping off and now reduced to zero, they were humbled to the core of confessing that "only God is and they are not." To come to this realization is not a small matter; it is the sure mercy of the Lord. 

Same with me too. Thank God, I lost all my self-confidence in my natural man. I dare not even talk about the "goodness" of my old-man. In fact, it has been crucified already. Its not even worth remembrance except for the remembrance as a reminder for never trusting in the old natural good man. All these are dung as Paul rightly termed it. I should not pursue any of these dungs, but purse Christ Jesus the Lord only.

Once upon a time I was dreaming of being "so and so" or "such and such," all a self display of a "good man." Now after learning some lessons of life in the Lord, the things that I dreamed of, are all a nightmare now; the person that I used to love to be, is now what I loathe the most. This drastic turn is the result of the work of the Holy Spirit in me. My views, my goal, my ways are all changed. Hallelujah for the mercy of the Lord!

Paradoxically, when I come to this understanding, the way the Lord uses, in His mercy, is all against my natural concept. What I thought was not my portion nor my function was exactly what the Lord gave me as my portion and function. This experience humbled me all the more. If at all there is anything that I can comment on, it is all by the grace of God I am what I am. 1 Corinthians 15:10a.  

Now I can somewhat understand what I found it difficult to understand about brother J N Darby's hymn, "The Joy of Having Nothing, Being Nothing..."

O the joy of having nothing and being nothing, seeing nothingBut a living Christ in glory,And being careful for nothing but His interests down here.Whom have I in heaven but Thee?And there is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee.O the joy of having nothing and being nothing, seeing nothingBut a living Christ in glory,And being careful for nothing but His interests down here.

https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/26

These experiences have brought me to nothing and felt as if I have hit the rock bottom. The only progress to make further is to grow upward in Christ. O what a joy indeed to be in this state; no competition,no comparison but just the compassion of Christ.

O the joy of having nothing and being nothing indeed, in Christ. May I be graced to be such, all the days of my life.