Being Nothing

O the joy of having nothing and being nothing, seeing nothing

But a living Christ in glory,

And being careful for nothing but His interests down here.

Whom have I in heaven but Thee?

And there is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee.

O the joy of having nothing and being nothing, seeing nothing

But a living Christ in glory,

And being careful for nothing but His interests down here.

https://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/26?

Brother Nelson Darby's experience of Christ in being nothing was really hard to understand. Though I appreciate the hymn and the testimony behind the hymn, I am yet to fathom the true meaning of this hymn. 

What is the meaning of "being nothing"? Or "having nothing"? For in reality every one is something and indeed has something. Perhaps, there are deeper spiritual significance that I am yet to fathom. Perhaps, my growth in life will one day bring me to a better realization of this phrase.

Recently, the Lord began to give me some experiences of "being nothing." The phrase, to my understanding, means being emptied before God in simplicity with all purity; that one stands in the position of a created man before the Creator God and absoluteness acknowledges his nothingness before God and fully depend upon Him. In fact, this is a good standing ground in relation to God as the Creator and the Supreme and Sovereign One. Yet, this is just one side of a coin. For, God Himself is also mingled with man and becomes one with man and becomes everything to man.

With the little experiences of Christ and few knowledge about God and His ways, I discerned that a certain brother may match with a certain sister. I have been praying and doing all that I could to somehow fellowship with them, hoping, perhaps, that they would "amen" to one another. This process has been conceived for at least a year until I brought it up for fellowship. And almost a year has also transpired since the matter was brought out. But the answer was not forthcoming and not as discerned or hoped for. The same case is with another brother and sister. Everything of the inner voice seemed to sound a perfect match, however, what was in reality was not so. This experience was a true test of "discernment". By the way, so far, none of my "matching" proposal come to fruition. And thank God for that. This exposed me to at least see myself, and know myself, wherein I stand before God and man. And indeed, be assured in experience of "being nothing." 

This experience brought me to see in reality that I am indeed "nothing." My discernment whatsoever, be it spiritual or psychological, is really nothing. Feelings may come now and then, but the ultimate decision is the Lord's. I have no say, nor opine on anything. Thank God, for this experience. Perhaps, I am beginning to understand what brother J N Darby meant, "O the joy of having nothing and being nothing, seeing nothing, But a living Christ in glory". 

May the Lord grace me to understand more of "being nothing" but Christ.