A Mirror View

To know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, If perhaps I may attain to the out-resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained or am already perfected, but I pursue, if even I may lay hold of that for which I also have been laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before, I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward. Philippians 3:10-14

The Christian life is a progressing life. No one can claim full maturity as long as he still lives on the earth with flesh and blood. Daily, we must be on a progressing mode, lest we be stagnant and become a dwarf. Surely, no one wants to remain a spiritual dwarf all his lifelong.

As we progress we have a front view of what we should attain to in our Christian life like the apostle Paul, endeavoring to know and pursue Christ. For, the ministry of the word has been continually supplying us with truths, vision, and revelation from the Bible, instilling in us the aspiration and inspiration. However, we must not go on and be satisfied only with the teaching, aspiration, and inspiration. Instead, these truths that we have learned and seen must become our experiences and constitution one day. All our hope, aspiration, and inspiration must become our experiences too. If not now, at least in the coming days and months and years. Otherwise, there is a danger of being hot-headed full of doctrinal knowledge without any reality. Therefore, we must progress through experiences.

As we experience the truths, we will also gain Christ and the Lord will sovereignly lead us through many environmental experiences too. If we keep progressing this way, we will be rich in Christ, be constituted with the word of God, and be filled and anointed with the Holy Spirit. Then, we can have a "rear mirror" view of our Christian life. If this be the case, we will be able to testify with grace how the Lord has been leading us through many trials and temptations, and through many thorns and thistles. Then, we can pinpoint and testify, yes the Lord has led me in this matter and in that matter. Perhaps, in almost all points of truths, we can testify to many people as before God that we have experienced them all, and have a rear mirror view of life.

But the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and remind you of all the things which I have said to you. John 14:26

But when He, the Spirit of reality, comes, He will guide you into all the reality; for He will not speak from Himself, but what He hears He will speak; and He will declare to you the things that are coming. John 16:13

For this, one of the most urgent need is the progressing in eating the Lord in three aspect; as the passover Lamb for redemption to deal with all our sins and problems; to eat the Lord as the manna who provided us miraculously in time of need in a mysterious way, and to eat the Lord as the good land where we labour and eat the produce and even bring the firstfruit to the Lord as an offering. In these ways, we can progress on and on and view many spiritual things in our spiritual rear mirror view. 

The time span to progress from aspirations to experience may take a long long time as depicted by the life of Joshua. Though God already promised the good land, the Israelites to conquer them took a long time.

Joshua made war with all these kings a long time. Joshua 11:18 

Whatever time it takes, we must progress by progressing in our eating. The day will come when we can have a rear mirror view of the experiences the Lord has sovereignly leads us through.

These are the points I learned in a fresh way in the brothers' fellowship. As the Lord has spoken, may His hand follow me in progressing from aspiration to experience to have a clear rear mirror view. Amen.

Fellowship with Trainees

The past week five trainees have come and I got to fellowship with them. Some of them just finished their two years of training and others just completed their first year. Each of these dear ones is called by the Lord to prepare their vessels. Each of them has a different situation and burden concerning what they intend to do after their training. I am glad that at this age, the Lord could gain our young saints to consecrated themselves at least for two years to be trained as an anti-testimony to the world against the present evil age.

I had some specific and detailed fellowship with two of the brothers who come to fellowship. A brother who had just finished his two years of training was not very clear as to what he should do next. He seemed to have been guided by the family's needs, mostly physical and financial. At the same time, brothers who were shepherding him fellowshipped with him to continue to serve the campus students. He was not very clear as to how he should go on. The Lord gave me a burden to share with him from my experiences when I was in a similar situation many years ago.

God's Presence: I testified of how the Lord has been leading me from the time I got save, and more specifically, from the time I came to serve the Lord full-time answering His call. I narrated how the Lord led me in many practical details, meeting all my financial needs though I never had a worldly source of income. My unique source has always been God and God Himself only. At length, as encouragement and fellowship, I testified to the brother how the presence of the Lord has been leading me in every minute detail of my life. The Lord's presence has always been my life map! And I encouraged him to learned to look to the Lord only and follow Him faithfully and absolutely. In the presence of God, there is everything that we need, spiritually, psychologically, and physically, in addition to the joy and peace of the Lord. It really does not matter whether we serve the Lord "full-time" or "with a job", the presence of God is all that one needs. My brother was so encouraged and supplied by the fellowship, and then we prayed together.

With another brother, there have been some issues with his person, character, and living in the past one-year s of his training. In fact, the training center serving one had briefed us about certain incidents and "failures" this brother has and some points he needs to improve upon. After listening to his experiences on both the positive and negative sides, the Lord gave me a strong burden to fellowship with him with some practical points.

Grace: The first and foremost thing to enjoy in a training, or for that matter, in our Christian life, is o take Christ as grace. The enjoyment of God in Chirs as the Spirit is grace. Grace supplies and grace preserves us in Christ. The many regulations cannot be kept and many troubles can be avoided only if one enjoys grace day by day, especially with a young brother whose temper needs to be tempered. His temper has been an issue in coordination in the training. With this enjoyment of grace, I also fellowshipped on some other practical matters for him to seriously consider.

No Choice, No Opinion, and No Attitude: By nature, everyone has his choice in everything, even in spiritual things. But blessed us those who learn to give up his choice and take the Lord's choice as his choice. This entails self-denial. This lesson can be learned only if one enjoys grace. Everyone has his opinion too and affects his attitude towards others, especially towards fellow believers. But the only way to deal with one's opinion or attitude is to enjoy Christ as grace. I testified to him of how the Lord taught and trained me to deny my choices, opinions, and attitude, all by taking Christ as grace and how I used to pray every day for the Lord's grace to lead me through in the two years of training. And the Lord was faithful to grace me through the two years of training. 

Slave of Christ: Finally, I also shared about our status as a slave of the Lord Jesus Christ, as a Christian and a serving one, not merely in name but in reality. To have the constant realization that we are simply the slaves of the Lord is a great salvation. A slave has no right of his own. A slave is nothing and nobody. Therefore, with this status as a slave in our Christian living, no one can offend us or hurt us in any way, because we are slaves. We deserve all the ill-treatment meted out, even the worst. Because we are slaves! This is a big and important lesson in Christian life. 

I shared all the points not merely for the brother to pass through the remaining one more year of training, but also for his whole lifetime. 

These fellowships, though intended for the trainees who came for fellowship, I felt the fresh anointing of the Lord and as I fellowshipped with them, I was deeply convinced it was for me as well. In supplying others I myself was greatly supplied. 

Praise the Lord for the fellowship! I am also still a lifetime trainee. Lord, grace me and continue to train me.

Marital Matters

Giving thanks at all times for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to our God and Father, being subject to one another in the fear of Christ: Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord; For a husband is head of the wife as also Christ is Head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the Body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be subject to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her that He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of the water in the word. Ephesians 5:20-26

The teaching on the relationship between husband and wife has been a very common one among many Christians today. It is indeed a very needed teaching as well. In fact, many Christian wedding meetings have these verses in Ephesians 5 as the marriage sermon. I am no exception.  But I teach with the view of God's economy concerning Christ and the church. I go one step further to complete the point.

For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. This mystery is great, but I speak with regard to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32

Marriages are types of Christ and the church. Therefore, all genuine believers should live by Christ and the marital relationship should be that of Christ and the church.  As much as Christ loves the church, so much more husbands should love his wife; and as much as the church submits to Christ, the wives must submit to her husband. But there is a catch point in this teaching. That is the daily living by the life of Christ. Without the life of Chris, there cannot be the love of Christ lived out between husband and wife. Therefore, without the proper teaching on living the life of Christ in daily life, the teaching on marriage will only be doctrinal at best.

The reality and practicality of living out the marital matters mentioned in the Bible, especially in Ephesians 5 is by enjoying Christ. Because it is only by enjoying Christ that one can live out Christ. But the practical point is, how to enjoy Christ? Well, the Bible has given us some practical ways to enjoy Christ; prayer and the word. In a genuine prayer personally or corporately, one can truly enjoy Chris. In reading the word and praying over, musing upon the word, one can also enjoy Christ. Besides, I also discover that in fellowshipping with the saints, we enjoy Christ. Of course, the meeting of the church is another practical way to enjoy Christ. The more one enjoys Christ through any of these ways, he will live out Christ, and the martial matters will be solved spontaneously.

Of late, three couples' marriage matters have been fellowshipped with me. The best help I could render to these couples is firstly to pray for them, and secondly, to pray with them and minister life to them through the word of God on marital matters. Only the divine life can heal their wounds and hurts. I cannot and I will not be so foolish to even assume to think that I can help solve their marital problems. By the Lord's mercy, I do not have any issue with my marriage life as the Lord has blessed me and my wife abundantly in all aspects. But I do not take this as the ground to be able to help solve marital matters. It is the Lord who has been blessing my marriage life, and the same Lord only can solve the marital matter brought to me for fellowship. 

To all the fellowships brought to me, I dare not utter even a word of advise if I did not feel led by the Spirit to say anything on their marital matters; it is too sensitive, and it can be easily misconstrued. Though in some of these cases, I fellowship with my partner and coordinator, prayed together for these couples, and did have some fellowships generally with the view to supply both the couple with Christ as life to them.  The best we could do besides praying for them is to lead them to Christ and Him crucified, the solution to all the problems in the universe.

To date, all these couples are preserved; though they have been through stormy marriage lives; almost to the point of separation and divorce. But the grace of God is still keeping them together. And I have a strong faith in the Lord that all that we have been praying for, all that we have been ministering to them would dear fruits and all the marital matters would be resolved. They all would be healthy in their marital relationship and even become a living testimony for Christ and the church.

Marriages are ordained by God for the accomplishing of His eternal purpose through man in the principle of incarnation for His satisfaction, multiplication, and expression.

May the Lord preserve all the Christian marriages for His testimony as a type of Himself and the church! Especially, the ones brought to me for fellowship and prayer.

Adieu Neighbor

In our present residence, there are three flats of three BHK each. My family has been living in one of the flats here for over a dozen years now. The ground floor has been used for official and church-related services and my family resides just above it, on the first floor. I commute between home and work daily from the first floor to the ground floor and vice versa. In that way, traveling time to work has been saved. Besides, the house has been very useful for carrying out the Lord's services, not to mention my children's schooling where the school is just a walkable distance from home. Besides, the Lord's presence here has been very much enjoyed by all the members of my family since. Any thought of shifting will be immediately repudiated by my children, and so far, the Lord has never given me the go-ahead for any change of residence for whatever reason or purpose. So we are happily residing in the same residence for many years, following the Lord's leading.

However, one out of the two flats is occupied by many different families. Since we have moved in, seven different entities have come and gone. The last neighbor we had, just shifted a week ago. Before this neighbor moved in, we had been praying that whoever comes in might be our gospel contact. Once the family came in we prayed and began our first contact. In our very first contact, I proposed for a weekly home meeting which they later denied, informing me of their "not interested" in a "religious meeting." That really broke my heart. The reason being, we have prayed so much before they came and once they came, with much hope, we approached them as neighbors and preached the gospel of Jesus Christ. But they prefer to be good a neighbor rather than being a gospel neighbor. Perhaps, I expected too much. But we still continued to pray for their salvation one day.

Last month when I heard about their shifting out due to the ongoing pandemic that devastated my neighbor's all businesses for which he had no option but to leave for home, for now, I was a little disappointed. Because my burden for the gospel has not yet been released for the family. Though I invited them for the online gospel meeting he never attended nor even bother to reply. Once I invited him for a lovefeast, though he promised to join, but did not show up without informing at all.  Since then I sensed that they were not interested in the gospel at all. But our prayers for the family have never ceased. 

I had invited them again for one last meal together before they left but was never informed when they would leave and when my family could dine with them. Even when I asked him, I was told that it would be considered but was never confirmed. I would not force anyone to dine if they were not willing at all. I left the matter to them to decide, and I decided not to push the invitation further. Twice I have informed them and got no reply. So I reckoned that perhaps, the Lord has a better plan. The last month-end, my neighbor had shifted out. Though I could not bid adieu to them as I didn't even know when they actually left, still my heart prays for them for their salvation one day.

When my house owner requested me to check the vacated flat and sent him a picture of each room for the final handover, I complied with his request. To my surprise, as I checked the rooms, they were all in a mess. I guess they decided to clean it up later. But that the owner wanted me to send photos, I would not send messy photos that might affect my neighbor's relationship with the house owner as the final rent deposit settlement has to be made.  Then I decided that that was my last opportunity to do a favor to them. I decide to clean up the entire house and give the best impression to the house owner. 

The Lord knew my heart and my burden. When I was just thinking of cleaning up, a maid came to check if there was any work she could do, as seemed to have worked here in the flat before. Immediately I hired her to clean up all the rooms and paid her for her works. Besides, I also repaired the water leakage in two toilets at my own expense. The money that I could have used for a farewell meal which I could not utilize, I deemed it best to use in cleaning the house and gave the best impression to the house owner after my neighbor shifted out. That's what I actually did, and sent my house owner photos of all cleaned-up rooms after handover and takeover.  In that way, I could help my neighbor and house owner, not allowing the matter to hamper their relationship while maintaining my relationship with both of them.

Besides, after they shifted, they had piled up bags of garbages for the garbage boy to pick up. But the garbage boy's job is to pick kitchen wastes only and not household waste. So for about a week, the discarded household items were lying on our front lawn. For this too, I hired some local labor to pick them up and discard them at the garbage dump. Finally, all clean-up works were done on behalf of my neighbor. 

I was glad that I could do this as my helping hand to both my neighbor and owner. I could not offer anything nor a farewell meal, so at least I could spend some money on the clean-up works and gave a good impression to the homeowner. This little act of neighborly love will one day bear fruit. I hope to meet them again someday somewhere, at the Lord's timing, and that will be for the sharing of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ unto their salvation.

Adieu neighbor for now, but not yet. The gospel is yet to be preached. And prayer continues...

Lesson on Shepherding: Not Persuasive Words

For I did not determine to know anything among you except Jesus Christ, and this One crucified. And my speech and my proclamation were not in persuasive words of wisdom but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, In order that your faith would not stand in the wisdom of men but in the power of God. But I will come to you shortly, if the Lord wills, and I will ascertain not the speech of those who are puffed up but the power. For the kingdom of God is not in speech but in power. 1 Corinthians 2:2, 4, 5; 4:19, 20

Paul as a pattern of shepherding the saints did not determine to know anything except Jesus Christ and Christ crucified. He did not try his best to persuade the believers to take the way he wanted them to take. But he ministered the Word in Spirit and power. This testimony of Paul gave me a new light on shepherding. I was deeply convicted by the way I have been shepherding the new ones. I guess I have tried my best to convince them with persuasive words, using the truth of the Bible. Perhaps, I was biblically correct and all the points I put forth were true to the core. None of the new ones I have been shepherding dare to question me on any point of the truths I presented to them. Even when anyone did, I refuted them and "defeated' them in theological debate. But where are the fruits of all this labor?

Even to date, I have been in touch with a good number of seekers in different parts of India. I have been shepherding them for years altogether now. But for some reason, they could not fully take the way of the Lord's recovery. They are still stuck in their so-called "mother" churches or in their old religious concept. This has bothered me a lot these days. I often get discouraged thinking if they really enjoyed fellowshipping with me and agreed with all the points of truths I presented to them all these years, why are they still lingering in the old things? What has hindered them in their fully coming on the way of the church life; taking the stand for the church? 

Thank the Lord for His merciful speaking to me personally. The answer I received a few days ago is in the words and testimony of the apostle Paul. He was very pure and straightforward. He determined to know nothing except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. Did I really seek to know nothing other than Christ and Him crucified? Maybe not. So I stand convicted in my expectations and attitude.

Besides, I was so helped to not depend upon my knowledge and revelation of the truths. But I must fully depend on the Spirit of God to work and move in the hearts of these ones I have been superseding. If at all they take the way of the church life in the Lord's recovery, it must be by their own realization of the truth and conviction of the Spirit, and not by my persuasive word.  Thank God for this lesson, yes a very perfecting and humbling lesson.

In fact, I repented for trying to stick my natural hands into the works of God. Now I learnt his simple yet humbling lesson; never trust in your persuasive words, even words full of revelation and knowledge full of truth. Unless the power of the Spirit operates through those words and revelation, it will not bear forth fruits.

Now, I simply learn to depend fully on the Lord and His Spirit to operate in power in all the ones I have been shepherding. I must still be faithful to shepherd them, but I must never trust in my persuasive words, but in the Holy Spirit. So, I hand over all my contacts to the Lord and pray for them, and continue to shepherd them with a pure heart and motive to simply shepherding them. No more hidden string attached of expecting them to take the way I have been taking, I leave that to the Lord wholly. What a release! What freedom from unwarranted expectations and hidden hope! Simply do my part, and leave the result to the Lord. 

Praise the Lord for this wonderful lesson on shepherding! Not persuasive words, but the power of the Spirit!

Cool Cooler

When one of our brothers was shifted out of Gurugram, he handed over his used Cooler, a room cooling machine that runs in the pricniple of converting water into vapour and cooling down the room temperature. The Cooler was purcahsed when he first shifted to New Delhi in 2004. That cooler has been a blessing to our family during summer. It has generated a good amount of cool air to cool the room temperature down. We have been using that for over eight yeasrs in addition to the brother who already used it for another eight yeras. Despite its oldness, it functions very effectively. What we need is a cooler that really works as a cooler. 

A few years ago, I changed the water pump, and last week it broke down as it had an issue with the motor. Initially, I thought it was time to discard it and buy a new one. But on second thought, I looked out for a mechanic to repar it. To my surprise, it was repaired for a few hundred rupees only. Then after a few days of use, it broke down again. This time I thought, I really have to buy a new one. In fact, I went to the malls to lookout for a new Cooler. And I identified a particular model to purchase after letting my wife look at it.

When my wife and I had decided to buy one particular Cooler model, the salesman informed us that the piece was already purchased. Later I called up the mechanic who repaired the Cooler motor as I had given him to repair it again, he informed me that he just changed the capacitor and that it works fine now. These two things put together gave me a feeling to withhold the purchasing of a new Cooler and gave a try one final time for the repaired one. So instead of buying a new one, I repaired the old motor and it worked fine.

A day later, the motor broke down again. This time I determined that it was indeed time to discard the old and buy a new Cooler. As I called up the same Mechanic, he told me to bring the entire Cooler and show it to him. Then I thought I would give one more try and then buy a new one. As I went to the Mechanic, it was discovered that there was no problem with the motor at all. Then I realised the actual problem. The Cooler mesh that holds straws for water to pass through was actually blocked because of dust clogging. When the front and backside of the mesh for air to pass through were blocked it affected the motor due to air pressure as there was no air inlet. The solution was to replace the entire front and back blanket of straws. Then I drove around and found a shop that could replace the straw and did the replacement. With this simple change, the Cooler worked perfectly well like a new one. It was brough to its usefulness again.

The thought of buying a new Coller was given up for the third time. By the way, this model was no more to be found, and the design of the Cooler was so good that it functions as an Air Conditioner. As long as it could be used, I would prefer to use it. Not merely for the sake of saving money. Of course, I would not invest money in something that can be avoided. Though the Lord has given us sufficient money to buy a new one, I prefer not to, as long as it is not inevitable.

This simple life experience taught me how to live with the bare minimum and live a simple life, taking care of the basic needs by adjusting whatever can be adjusted. This Cooler is really cool in that it taught us to live a cool and simple life. The breakdown and repair process helped me exercise much even in simple matters; learning to trust the Lord in small things too. What a cool Cooler indeed it has been! And what a cool life to trust in the living Lord for all things small and even minute.

Christ Making Home

Yesterday morning in our brothers' fellowship with a mature brother I was enlightened to see what it actually means to allow Christ to make His home in my heart. Doctrinally I know that my mind, emotion, and will need to be transformed to be gained by Christ so as to make my heart His home.  But how do I experience that?

What does it mean for Christ to make His home in our hearts? 

That Christ may make His home in our hearts through faith, that you are rooted and grounded in love. Ephesians 3:17

In Joshua 5:12 footnote 1, we have the three stages of eating; the Passover lamb, the manna, and the good land. All these are types of Christ in different stages in our experience. We might consider having passed out of Egypt having eaten the Passover lamb and also passed out of the wilderness having eaten the manna, but in actuality, we still need the three stages of eating.  

All these years we have been meeting together, to enjoy Christ which is to eat the lamb and to appreciate the redemption of Christ. To eat the lamb means we have nothing. We cannot get out of Egypt by ourselves. The Lord has to show us that we are in a totally destitute situation. 

Why the Israelites were 400 years in Egypt? Just to ensure that they thoroughly understood that without the redemption of Christ they can never get out of Egypt. In the same principle, the Lord has to allow us to fail again and again and again until we eat the Passover lamb for our complete redemption. There are two things the Lord uses very effectively to work on man: 

1. Failure 

2. Time

Why the 400 years? Time is necessary for man to realize that he can not save himself. Then and only then is he prepared to take Christ as his redemption. We fail to such an extent that every part of our being becomes a failure. Our wise God knows how long we should remain in our period of failure. The last 2000 years of church history may be a fulfillment of the 400 years of Israel’s failure in Egypt. Individually, Moses has to be in the wilderness for 40 years. During those 40 years, he was being prepared. He was prepared by living in the wilderness for 40 years. The same is true of every one of us. Did Moses fail in the 40 years? Yes, indeed! He was a total failure! After having such a good start with all the learnings mentioned in Hebrews 12, he ended up with 40 years of training in the wilderness. If you think you are useful in God’s hand, perhaps, you need 40 years of dealing and training. 

What is the preparation of the servant of the Lord? Failures and time. The earlier you recognize this spiritual truth, the better off you’ll be. After 40 years, he didn’t have many struggles. Moses needed 40 years. So, do we. The Lord has to exhaust our hope, then we’re ready for redemption. 

How to experience redemption? Redemption is not just for non-church kids but also for the church kids. We need to eat the lamb our whole life. In the New Jerusalem, Christ is still the Lamb God. There is a remembrance of redemption even in eternity. Eating the lamb is not once for all. Redemption is not once for all. We don't graduate from eating the lamb. Our worshipping the Lord is our enjoying and eating of the Lamb God. The more we see that we are not, the more Christ will be. So, if you fail, again and again, it means that God is teaching you to know Him as the redemption, as the lamb of God, so that you’ll appreciate Christ as your redemption. Even eating the Passover lamb is not so simple - it is intrinsic and organic. 

We need 400 years of Israel corporately and 40 years of Moses personally, the exhausting of Moses’ ambition to serve the Lord, to work for the Lord thinking that he can deliver God's people, should be completely uprooted from our being. That hope is a false hope. Because he can never serve God and deliver God's people and be a blessing, the Lord had to show and expose him to convict him. To the point that he thought at 80, he was finished and good for the grave. The Lord has to bring each one of us to that stage. 

In this light, if you still have hope in yourselves, through failure and time, the Lord will expose your condition. There are no shortcuts in spiritual experiences. It was the 400 years that prepared the Israelites to eat the lamb and received God’s redemption. Gradually we need to have the revelation and see it. The Holy Spirit as the spirit of wisdom and revelation will continue to work out and reveal what we are. We are good for nothing. The question is whether you know it or not. If you don't know it, your enjoyment of Christ is limited. You need to see that you are hopeless. 

After 40 years Moses was ready to enjoy the lamb of God. Otherwise, you’ll think you don't need redemption. You may know the verse in Jeremiah 15:9 that your heart is incurably wicked. But do you realize it? It is a matter of seeing what we are. The sooner we realize it, the better off we will be. It should be no longer I but Christ living in me. Our whole Christian life is Jeremiah 15:9, that we are wicked. The Lord needs to convict us that we are evil. Then you’ll appreciate Christ as redemption. 

Eating the lamb has a precondition: 400 years corporately and 40 years individually of failure and time. You have to be hungry to eat. If you’re oppressed by Pharoah, you want to get out of Egypt. Are we not daily oppressed by Pharoah, Satan? The more you know and see it, eventually after exhausting your hope, you can eat Christ adequately. You think you are not 100%  bad and not incurably wicked. 

In Hebrews 4:12, we have the word operating in us discerning the thoughts and intentions of our heart. Do you think it’ll show how good you are? According to Hebrews 4:13, All things are naked and laid bare to the eyes of Him to whom we are to give an account. Our actions and thoughts are altogether incurable. Adam and Eve saw their terrible condition. Then God came to prepare a covering for them. Only when we see it, will Christ become our redemption.

How Christ makes His home in our hearts? It means, we see that we have no more hope. We are always not, but we have to see that we are not before we could receive Him who is, to be us. We are all hopeless. If we don't see it, we'll be struggling and trying. If you try, you'll fail. Only one who sees that he is not will enter into rest. The entering into rest in Hebrews 7 and 8, is Joshua 6. 

The good land is called rest in Hebrews. Are you at rest? If you still have hope in yourselves, you’re not at rest. When we are not, we’ll enter into rest. The good land is the rest. In your soul, you can rest. There is no longer a struggle in you. You have experientially understood Matthew 11:28-30. The Lord has to defeat the 7 tribes, the enemy in us. Then we would have Christ as our rest. So, what is Christ making His home in your hearts? It is very subjective, experiential, intrinsic, and organic. It is Christ becoming our rest. 

When we have rest, we have no struggle in our mind thinking about this or that, for our mind will be subdued. Joshua's victory is about subduing the tribes. Our mind, emotion and will need to be subdued. This is the process of Christ making His home in our hearts. 

Do you have problems in coordination? Our love is natural, not Christ. So Christ has to subdue our natural love and preference. When we fail, we give up hope and get exhausted, and don’t fight anymore. Our fighting is a kind of rebellion to be good and independent from God. 

One test from Brother Witness Lee was, “Can you stop”? If you cannot, you can't rest. God's way is to show you that you cannot do anything and give up. Then, you rest. That's the time Christ is beginning to make His home in our hearts. He’ll then be and then become what we are not. That is the defeat of the 7 tribes in our mind, emotion, and will. Thank the Lord for the spirit of reality who guides us into all reality. That's how the Lord subdues our rebellion and independence and natural man. Only then we can rest and see Christ coming into us as everything to us. That's when you begin to feast on the unsearchable riches of Christ in Ephesians 3:8 as Christ would slowly make His home by convicting us that we are not. That is the eating of Christ as the produce in the good land. 

After his fellowship, I declared to all the brothers and to the Lord that I am good for nothing and can do nothing. I simply should eat the lamb for the feast? 

Praise the Lord for this revelation! I should have no hope in myself but only in the Lord.