Against My Feelings

The Lord does lead by the inner feeling; however, there is a need to discern the natural man's feelings from the Lord's. There is a thin line between the inner feeling from the Lord and the inner feeling from man, for both are intertwined most of the time. The mingled spirit is in our spirit, and oftentimes, it needs further discernment to discern the inner feeling from the Lord, and that from man. Therefore, in my experiences, I do not immediately conclude what I feel as the Lord's feeling immediately. Because deep within, despite my feelings, I need further prayer and consideration, and if need be, further fellowship with the saints involved in the matter until I can finally decide without doubt what the true feeling of the Lord is. 

I have been graced to take every matter to the Lord before I can confirm the feeling in peace as truly from the Lord. For this reason, I take sufficient time to pray and wait and wait until I am fully clear. This way of decision-making helps me to pray more and more. In fact, these matters help me a lot in my prayer life and in my walk with the Lord. In this way, I am learning to pray and pray, seeking the perfect will of the Lord in many matters. Thank the Lord for such situations, which occur very often these days, and they help me a lot in my Christian life.

Of late, there was an instance in which I had this kind of experience, where I initially had no peace at all, but took time to pray and fellowship, and then it became very clear to the extent that my feelings changed totally. 

First, there was a proposal for a store-room construction which costs quite an amount, though an official expense. Though my initial feeling was a definite NO, I took the matter before the Lord in prayer. And after a couple of days of prayer and fellowship, I became very clear that it was proper to take the proposal. Finally, I made the decision with an emphatic YES, which previously was an enigmatic NO. 

A similar case was with a brother concerning his health, which, after much prayer and fellowship, led to an increase in his support. The increase was quite significant that he was paid even more than what a secular company would pay for the same kind of work, for we considered his work together with his family's need in caring for the serving ones. Even in this case, my initial feeling was a definite NO when a proposal was brought for his increase in support. because I truly felt that he has been supported sufficiently according to the nature of work in par with other serving ones. However, he had a special need with some complicated medical issues. Though official insurance was provided to him and many medical tests were done for him, especially when the matter about his health was discovered during a proofreading project in Bengaluru. In fact, a sufficient amount had been spent on him. However, after prayer and consideration, it was gradually made clear to me, and the fellowship from the brothers confirmed the consideration I had within. Then, his support was increased significantly. 

These are the cases in which I learned a specific lesson on following the leading of the Lord rather than depending upon my own feelings. Feelings are sometimes deceptive. Therefore, it is imperative to bring even the feelings before the Lord in prayers and discern the perfect will of the Lord. These are circumstances arranged by the Lord to train us how to depend on Him and not merely on inward feelings, though the Lord is in our spirit.