Learning to Deal with Goodness

The Lord began to shine on me to see myself in the light of His word and through His speaking through the members of the Body. I have been more and more exposed to the light and could see myself more clearly as I also grow in age and in grace. I have been embracing my goodness and often appreciated it so much. Often I compared myself to others and sunk myself in self-glorification and self gratitude. But in the light of the Lord's word, whether it's my natural goodness or badness, all are from the same source, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. How goodness has been so subtle as it is "good"? But the fact, is, nothing is truly good for only God is good.

Naturally, I have a few good things to boast of. In my way of dealing with people, I have been very soft and full of grace. In fact, many have taken advantage of my "goodness" and robbed me of my time, energy, and money. Even to these "robbings", I reckon them as good deeds, thereby adding to my self-made treasure of "good-bank." 

Well then, I began to see who I really am even in my so-called "goodness". I am afraid I am just groping in darkness under the cloak of goodness. The Lord began to shine on me that my goodness which I reckon as my strong points are actually my weak points. I need to learn to deal with my goodness too. As much as I hated the evil in me and have been dealing with it, I must also deal with my goodness too. After all, they both belong to the same source, the same tree, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Now, I find nothing good in me in a very real sense. The good in me is as evil, if not more, as the evil in me. As long as the source is not the Lord, the Spirit in my spirit, everything is of the self at best and of Satan at worst. Now, I am in fear and trembling even in doing good things. When people come for help, my natural tendency is to always help. But I must not end up like Joshua being cheated by the Gideobnites. I must learn to bring every matter to the Lord and treasure the presence of the Lord more than anything else.

God should replace my "goodness." I should check with the Lord even for any good deed to be done. I need to overcome the temptation of doing good naturally. I must seek the Lord's presence in all the things I am doing, especially in the good things. If the Lord is not in my good deeds, it is as evil as any evil deed. The presence or absence of the Lord makes all the difference. This lesson I am beginning to learn. I pray that I may learn this lesson thoroughly well.

Within my capacity, I have been doing good to help others whenever they come for help. Now I am learning to check with the Lord first even before rendering any help. The past few days, some new ones and saints also sought help from me. I started reconsidering before I actually render them any help. And I ended my not helping some of these ones as I felt it was not of the Lord. Perhaps, by not helping when they come for help, I am helping them and myself too. 

Praise the Lord for this lesson of dealing with my goodness that the only goodness I display must be of the Lord and His alone.