Discipline in Love

Discipline your son, for there is hope; But do not set your heart on destroying him. Proverbs 19:18

Train up a child according to the way he should go; Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

I love my children, they are God's gift to me and my wife. Since their birth, they have been a blessing to us as a family. In many aspects, they are truly our heart's delight yet not a replacement of the Lord Jesus Christ. As we love the Lord, we also love what the Lord has blessed us with. So, we must be a proper guardian to the blessings of the womb. Children are from the Lord, we are just the guardians to nurture them for the Lord. In our responsibility as guardians, sometimes there is a need for some discipline and correction, whenever the need arises. With my children, mostly they have been doing fairly well. Except sometimes they tend to disobey and need some discipline. There, as a parent, especially as a father, I need to lovingly chastise them.

Some characteristic traits of my children have been manifested in terms of obedience and respect to elders. In this matter, I strongly felt my children need to be taught or disciplined. But I must also be wise in the way I carry this out. I can only recollect how I had been taught when I was young as my children now, ie.., discipline.

Last night, I sensed a very disgusting behavior from my son in terms of attitude and honoring and respecting elders especially his parent. This has been going on for quite some time now. I just could not let the matter go by easily. So I decided to take my son to a task. For a long time, I have not been showing my disciplinary face except for a few words of parental commands, which hardly matters to him. 

Therefore, I wanted to drive deep into my son's heart that I am serious about a proper attitude and respect towards elders which I have been brought up to, all my life. So I disciplined him verbally and with some physical chastisement. Though he could not take it at the moment and tried to fight back, it only strengthened me to intensify the degree of chastisement. Not a physical abuse as such, but a strong verbal correction had brought him to tears. The incident occurred continuously three times in a row as I could not see him subdued but fighting back instead. So each discipline was more intense than the previous one, and I reckoned that as my responsibility towards my son. 

Seriously, I hardly would like to get into this kind of intense discipline, but once I was forced to, I will not give it up until the purpose was met. This may be kind of harsh, but I deeply pray within that this will have a lasting impact on my son and also on my two daughters that they would have a proper attitude and show honor and respect to elders all the days of their lives. For this, I am willing to sacrifice my own face as a "soft father". Let me rather be "hated" for this disciplinary action rather than see my children undisciplined. I was willing to pay the price, and I did pray the price as I felt best. Then, I prayed for all of them that the Lord would also follow my disciplinary actions with His own shepherding. Only physical or verbal discipline without the Lord's following up would lead to nowhere. Therefore, I prayed for all my children.

Perhaps, the action was too tough that my son was deeply hurt and for a considerable length of time, he could not be consoled. My wife and my two daughters went to console him and finally, the matter was settled. But that's not all, I believe, my two daughters also learned the intensity of my action and the magnitude of my intention; I did what I did because I truly love them. I simply want them to be disciplined and be proper in their human character.

The next day, the impact of the discipline was felt. Everybody was serious and the looseness that lingered for quite some time had gone. My children become more serious in their response when matters were addressed concerning them. After my lunch and a short nap time, as I was considering before the Lord about the action I took to discipline my son, I felt good to talk to him and see if there was any grudge between us. Yes, discipline was fine, but how about the father-son relationship after the discipline? Therefore, I went to talk to him and called him to the bedroom for a personal fellowship. I told him that I did what I did because I love him and that I did not want him to harbor any improper attitude towards his parent or elders, and also to learn to honor and respect the elders. He replied to me that he understood my intention. I also asked him if he had any negative feelings against me, yes if any, I asked him to forgive me. To this, he replied, "Maybe." I requested, "Please forgive me, then." And he replied, "Yes." Therefore, we hugged each other; I kissed my beloved son, and we prayed together.

As a sign of comfort and gratitude to him for being able to accept the discipline, I asked him what he would want me to buy. He reminded me that I had forgotten my promise to my elder daughter about ice cream which I promised to treat her with a few weeks ago. Therefore, we both went to purchase a pack of Vanilla and Chocolate ice cream and we enjoyed the ice cream as "our prize for the discipline."

Thus, the matter was settled. I had peace and he does too. I hope and pray that I do not need to repeat the same discipline again ever. Hope this will be the last and that they all will learn the lesson. Right after this incident, my own father called me to check if I and my family were doing alright as he heard of so many cases of Covid in Delhi and NCR. I also could speak to my mom and heard their appreciation for the help, financially, during my dad's sickness a week ago.

May the Lord continue to bless our family. May He make our family a God-man family as I have always prayed for; to fear Him, to love Him, and to serve Him, as a family, all the days of our lives.

Lord, bless our family!