Zeroed

The Lord in His sovereignty allowed me to experience Him practically in many minute and practical matters these days. Especially, making me realise that I am nothing and indeed, nothing; not just a mental apprehension but a real life experience. All the good qualities I thought I possess were all stripped off one by one. My strong points became my weak points; both in the physical and spiritual realm.

I used to think I am a man of prayer, but the Lord showed me that without His grace I don't have any strength to pray. I used to think I am a seeker of the truth, with much hunger and thirst for the Word, but the Lord showed me that without His operating in me I have no thirst for Him and without His Spirit's enlightening I have no taste and enjoyment of the Word, even though I still may read the Word regularly. I used to think I am full of patience, but the Lord exposed me in many minor things that I really do not have any patience at all; rather I complained and murmured, and that He alone can be my patience. I used to think I am quite disciplined from childhood but without the Lord's grace, I realised discipline is just a regulated form of asceticism. I used to think I can discern things rightly and make decisions wisely, but the Lord exposed me that my discernments are full of shortages and my decisions are full of flaws. I used to think I am wise enough comparatively but my own wisdom condemned me of how foolish I was and have been. 

These experiences are treasure to me; an exposition of my self, who is just worthy of condemnation and death. This humbled me to the core and I thanked the Lord for such a revelation. Otherwise, I would have been a blind fool assuming to be wise.

It took a lot of dealings by the Lord to bring me to this realisation. What a mercy to see and know who I really am. With this revelation, I humble myself before the Lord and cry out for His mercy. And this confirmed my desperate need to be identified with the crucifixion of Christ and live in His resurrection life.  

Lord have mercy on me, and continue Your wise work of stripping until none of my self remain, but only You and You only. Hasten that day!